By Efio-Ita Nyok
Sankwala, Obanliku LGA – Dr. Vincent Dania’s question hung in the air, simple yet revolutionary: “How many of you decided the sex you would be born with?” The silence in the room was palpable as traditional rulers, religious leaders, and community elders considered the implication. None of them had chosen their gender at birth. So why, Dania pressed, should anyone use this biological accident as reason to oppress another?
This fundamental challenge to Obanliku’s social fabric came during a recent gender justice training that represents something far more ambitious than just another anti-GBV workshop. The event, as described by the Executive Director of Centre LSD in his welcome address, was specifically designed to “strengthen the capacity of Faith and Traditional Leaders to address gender justice and human rights issues within their communities” and “empower and equip stakeholders to harness our collective expertise, engage with communities, and create sustainable solutions in the fight against GBV.” Here, in the heart of Cross River state, community leaders are attempting something radical: rewriting the unwritten rules that have governed gender relations for generations.
The Architecture of Injustice
Dr. Dania, Programme Coordinator at the African Centre for Leadership, Strategy & Development (Centre LSD), laid bare the invisible framework that sustains gender-based violence. He distinguished between sex – “the biological differences between males and females” – and gender, which he defined as “the socially constructed roles, behaviours, and attributes that a society considers appropriate.”
This distinction is crucial to understanding what’s happening in Obanliku. The community isn’t fighting biology; it’s confronting what Dania called “gender norms” – the unwritten social rules that dictate behaviour based on gender – and “gender roles” – the expected duties assigned by gender.
Hon. Glory Awowoh, Vice Chairman of Obanliku LGA, witnessed these unwritten rules in action daily. “A lot of persons carry out this act without knowing the implication of it,” she observed. “They just feel that they are more powerful. So, with that, they victimize others, especially men to women, without even knowing how much effect it has.”
The damage, she noted, accumulates over time, making women “unhappy, unproductive, and sometimes it ends in death” – a stark assessment of the human cost of these social conventions.
From Kitchen to Courtroom: Challenging Daily Norms
The training moved from theory to practice as participants began examining how these unwritten rules manifest in everyday life. Pastor Offiong Enang, the Programme Coordinator for the Side by Side Project under Christian Aid, equipped leaders with practical tools for intervention, defining Sexual and Gender-Based Violence as “violence directed against a person based on their gender or sex.” He stressed the importance of recognizing “early warning signs of SGBV” which signal that “someone might soon be hurt or someone is already hurting another person,” and highlighted that these acts are fundamentally “rooted in power relations.”
Chief Magistrate I. I. Abam, who presides over Obanliku’s courts, provided a legal perspective on the customs being questioned. “You feel a woman must be the one, the woman her duty is to cook and a man cannot cook all those things,” the Magistrate noted, describing deeply ingrained beliefs his court regularly encounters. “But what I’ve seen as a matter of civilization, as a matter of rights, human rights, as a matter of equality of gender… There is nothing wrong if a man cooks for the wife.”
His words challenged one of the most fundamental gender divisions in household labour, reframing domestic responsibilities not as biological imperatives but as choices governed by principles of equality and mutual respect.
The Magistrate’s court had become a battleground where written law confronted unwritten rules. Earlier that day, he had remanded a man for contempt in a domestic violence case, demonstrating the legal system’s role in enforcing new standards of behaviour.
Traditional Authority Meets Gender Revolution
Perhaps most surprising was seeing traditional rulers, the traditional guardians of custom, leading the charge for change. His Royal Majesty, Amb. Dr Uchua Amos Uyumulam Item JP, Paramount Ruler of Obanliku, acknowledged the need to reform rather than blindly follow tradition.
“We have more laws we are putting in place for the offenders who will not want to adhere to what we are doing,” the monarch revealed. “There are fines that we instituted ranging from some material things like livestock and some drinks and kola nuts.”
This represents a remarkable evolution – using traditional authority not to preserve harmful practices but to create new, more equitable social norms. The Paramount Ruler understands that changing deeply embedded behaviours requires more than just awareness; it requires consequences and alternative structures.
The Religious Conversion
The rewriting of social codes extended to religious institutions, often seen as bastions of traditional gender roles. Rev. Godfirst Akeribo, Chairman of the Christian Association of Nigeria in Obanliku, committed to “swim into action, teaching and preaching against this act in our various churches.”
Similarly, Chief Imam Aliyu Abubakar of Obanliku welcomed the training as “a very great thing” he had long been seeking. He pointed to tangible progress already happening within his community: “In those days, Fulani children, like a female, doesn’t go to school. But today in Obanliku, you will discover the girls are even more than the boys who are even going to school.”
The religious leaders recognized their pivotal role in either reinforcing or challenging the social DNA of gender inequality from their pulpits and prayer mats.
The ‘Money Woman’ Legacy and the Road Ahead
The shadow of the recently abolished “Money Woman” custom – where female children were used as objects for debt repayment – loomed over the discussions. Hon. Awowoh’s vehement declaration that any attempt to revive the practice would be stopped “not under our watch” highlighted the fragility of social change.
The Vice Chairman acknowledged the work began by previous administrations and NGOs but emphasized that her government was “building on that,” providing “second chance education” and empowerment to victims. This multi-generational approach recognizes that rewriting social DNA requires both preventing new harm and addressing historical injustice.
A New Social Contract
What’s emerging in Obanliku is nothing less than a renegotiation of the social contract between genders. Dr. Dania’s concepts of “gender equity” – fairness of treatment according to needs – and “social inclusion” – ensuring marginalized groups can participate fully in society – are becoming the new foundational principles.
As the training concluded, participants expressed commitment to being part of what the Centre LSD Executive Director called a “transformative journey” to “build a future where every individual can thrive free from violence and discrimination.” But the real work begins as they return to their communities to model new behaviours, challenge old assumptions, and use their influence to reshape Obanliku’s social landscape.
The journey of rewriting centuries of social DNA is monumental. But in Obanliku, across traditional stools, religious pulpits, government offices, and courtrooms, a consensus is emerging: the unwritten rules that harm half the population deserve not preservation, but revision. And that revision begins with a simple, powerful realization that no one chooses their gender at birth – and no one should be limited because of it.
