20 May 2019
STILL ON DEPRESSION/SUICIDE
I have been shortsighted all my life. In fact I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't wearing glasses. I even feel like I was born with it.
Even with my glasses I still squint and literally kiss my book to read; my own is not just myopia, it is amblymyopia, that is myopia that has chieftaincy title and schooled in Harvard.
In 1999 an opthalmologist "prophecied" that I was going to go blind in about 5-10 years time. Quick, quick, my people took me to a school for the blind to learn how to read with my fingers (Braille) and how to walk and work like a blind person. I was being prepared for my future: where I will live in utter darkness.
I finished the course in record time but I had other plans: I was not going to go blind anything. This is 20 years now, I'm still here. I'm still seeing, at least the way I was seeing then. The eyes have not improved but they have also not gone worst. We die here.
Pastors and semi magicians have done everything in prayers and incantation for my eyes. E no work. Some say it's because I don't have faith. I no even answer them. Some still believe I will see "well" one day if I keep praying, If I keep believing. I'm not arguing. I'm praying. I'm believing. Maybe one day, it will happen, maybe one day I will know what it means to "see well". But sincerely I have other plans. I wasn't going to sit back and believe and pray and pity party.
I wanted to become a Catholic priest or a Lawyer; today, I'm a lawyer. I squinted my way through the university, I squinted my way through law school and two weeks ago, I wrote my final exams for my masters (LLM), still squinting.
When I wanted to marry, I squinted around and found one of the most beautiful women in the world. As I type this, I'm placing my head on her soft laps while she sings "Narekele" alongside the music box. Every time I write an article or book, give a talk or win a case in court, I thank God… And allow the joke to be on those who think I'm limited in anyway because I can see like them.
But in all this, I have a standby eye doctor or opthalmologist; because I know my eyes are not well. I know. If God wants to heal my eyes, that's his business. I believe but I can't force him to do it. So I have someone qualified I can always rush to or speak with about my eyes.
Two weeks ago, I was in Calabar for a court session. Far away from Abuja. I broke my frame the night before court. I was about to drop my glasses on the hotel table and the thing fell down and the frame shattered. I panicked. I didn't call my wife, though I know she loves me more than my doctor but she is a visual artist, a teacher, girls rights advocate, speaker and real estate consultant; she is not an opthalmologist, thus she is not qualified to have a discussion with about my eyes and glasses.
I called my doctor and he told me what to do. I was fine. Very fine.
Depression is an ailment. You should know if you are prone to depression. You should search for and get a qualified professional you can always talk to. Like my amblymyopia, don't be ashame of it. Own your shit, deal with it and conquer in spite of it.
Don't talk to this emergency online "you can talk to me" army. They will kill you for nothing. They will use your story to trend. They will gossip with your matter and even add salt and pepper. Is it people that are already lying against you (or others) when you have not even told them anything that you want to talk to? Don't mind them o. Talk to a pro.
If it is a medical issue, talk to a doctor or a medical pro, if it is a legal issue, talk to a lawyer… 20 thousand followers on Facebook is not a qualification. Don't allow someone use your issue to become a Facebook celeb. You will die for nothing.
Change the quality of your friends to improve the quality of your life.
– First Baba Isa (FBI)
