Simon Utsu|26 August 2017
1. The traditional delicacy of Calabar is dogmeat:
Hold it, you say dog wetin! For every 1000 Cross Riverians I know who enjoy eating dogmeat, I know another 2000 who have never had a taste of it. For instance, I don't have a problem with people gulping down morsels of the canine 'delicacy' but I've NEVER tasted it before. So next time you see me and ask me how sweet dogmeat is, I might be forced to say this to you: "gerrara here men".
2. Calabar girls and guys are the masters of kwokrikwo/kerewa:
Well, I won't categorically say that Calabar girls and guys don't know how to boogie on down in the 'other room', that'll be bad PR for my state innit? But it's an over exaggeration when people keep saying that's what Calabar girls use to 'hold men down'. Na big lie eh! Truth is, the average Calabar girl is very homely and knows how to take care of her man. In the average Calabar girl, you'll find the kind of woman you'll always look forward to going back home to meet. And when I say "take care of her man", I'm speaking holistically. My foot soldiers and IT students in the commonsense academy carried out a street survey the other day on Marian road where you find a considerable amount of call girls —the result was interesting. Over 60% of the prostitutes there are from Cameroon.
3. Calabar people are lazy:
La-what? You laggard! What do you mean by that? As much as I know, the typical Calabar person is as hard-working as the average Nigerian. They go out to search for opportunities and even out perform their contemporaries when given such opportunities. I thought I did a write up couple of months back where I listed the many firsts(milestones) achieved by Calabar people?
4. Lastly, "Every person from Cross River is from Calabar":
Like seriously? Haha, I think CRS is the most ethnically diverse state in Nigeria as they're over 50 different ethnic groups within the state. And when I mean 50 different ethnic groups, I mean ethnic groups with different languages eh!!! In Obudu LGA where I hail from, they're about 5 main dialects. The two dominant ones are Bette and Utugwang. I'm only fluent in the former though I have a smattering understanding of the latter. Even though I grew up in Calabar, I was never able to grasp the Efik language-though I also have a smattering understanding of it.
So every Cross Riverian isn't a Calabar person…matter of fact, in order not to expend too much energy, I've stopped explaining this to people because same people I tell (with facts) today that I'm an Obudu boy and not a Calabar boy will still come tomorrow and the day after and call me "Calabar man". So no, I'm not a Calabar man and yes I'm a Calabar man. You're happy now ba.
The ONLY acceptable stereotype about Calabar is that which says we're the best cooks! A taste of Calabar cuisine and your tastebuds will never remain the same —they'll always crave for another…and another…and another….for as long as you're alive.
Well, when next you're in Calabar, give your tastebuds the classic treat by visiting Queensley Bassey's Queeniez Kitchen along Marian Road (beside Total filling station).
If you're in Lagos and you've started salivating…salivate no more because Ekube Tawo will come to the rescue with her vintage Calabar kitchen meals prepared with her gifted hands. Her Ekpang kukwo overwhelmed with stockfish will give you enough vigour and vitality to run the length of the 3rd mainland bridge twice daily.
And for una wey dey Port-Harcourt nko, Glory Nsa, Food Empire's CEO's hands as usual, are on fire…her Afiafere-Ebot and pounded yam can make Rotimi Amaechi reconcile with Wike.
Simon Utsu
Is a Social Commentator
