Marriage & the One-sided Domestic Violence Narrative —By Simon Utsu


Simon Utsu|18 February 2017 As much as I try my utmost best not to write about the private family lives of people, I just read an about-to-be viral narrative that interested me. It’s no longer news that the marriage of actress Tonto Dikeh has crumbled, what is news now is she has commissioned bloggers to spin a new narrative; that she was a victim of domestic violence. Whilst I am 100% against domestic violence, I don’t like a situation where some women hide behind that narrative in order to whip up public sympathy when in the real sense, what might have ensued was a mild altercation followed by a minor scuffle which in a way isn't really out of place. Prior to now, we’ve read narratives of how the actress went back to her pot(ganja) smoking ways, often damaging properties in the house that she and her husband lived in and pushing and beating anyone in sight whilst revelling in the temporary state of paranoia induced by the hard drug. We even heard that she beat up her poor mother in-law in one of those drug induced frenzies. Maybe she got herself injured during one of these mad moments whilst her husband was trying to restrain her. Maybe, just maybe. It’s also possible that she revisited this bad habit (smoking hemp) when the news that her husband was seeing a younger lady got to her. Well, I won’t want to delve into Tontoh Dike’s wild pre-marriage past where she was rumoured  to be a notorious husband dater/snatcher. Maybe it's karma knocking on her door. That’s why I advise unmarried ladies to always stay away from married men likewise unmarried lads because it may come back to haunt them when they get married. Tontoh Dikeh should look for other ways to settle with her man. Damaging properties or attempting to blackmail him as a wife beater might not be the best route. Not too long ago, I had my own taste of domestic violence. I was in a relationship with a very emotional prima donna. In the course of her always wanting to have her way, she usually went violent (verbally and physically) on me. I never used to fight back, I only restrained her during such incidents because growing up, my Dad NEVER beat or fought my mum; that’s where/when/how I learnt never to lay my hands on a lady. When the abuse from my lady friend became unbearable, I made sure I ended that relationship abruptly but not before involving the law enforcement (police) and making them extract an undertaking from her.  In conclusion, men should desist from involving themselves in any form of assault especially on the opposite sex and women who are by-products of failed relationships should stop jumping on the domestic violence bandwagon as a means of covering up their mistakes/shortcomings just because it’s the trend.
We should ask ourselves why the generation of our parents didn’t flip-flop like ours (is) in the area of marriage. Finally, it takes two to tango. I’m not yet married but I think for a good marriage to take place, there must be mutual understanding, respect and a bit of love from the onset. That’s why at least six months of courtship is necessary for couples intending to marry. These days, all we have is social media marriages where couples meet on twitter and proceed to marry after only a couple of months of courtship and an ‘I must break the internet’ pre-wedding photo-shoot session. Nine months afterwards, they splash baby shower photos on social media and then a couple of years down the line, we start seeing all sorts of drama from them on social media. I think it’s in the best interest of married couples to keep their marriages off social media as much as possible. Simon Utsu
Is a Social Commentator with vast interest in entertainment, politics, economy and culture